. . . How did you find this?
June 15 2026
・Mood: Irritated
・What have you done to help?: Take a break, journal
・Why?: Ms. N dropped an absolute bomb on me
・Notes:
Ms. N just told me that my gym class is going to go walk to the beach today. I wasn't told that nor was I aware of it until she let me know. Next period is gym. She told me one period before it was going to happen. She knows that I need prior warnings if something like this is going to happen, but nobody told me. We need a permission slip to go, so she asked if she could contact my parents to get their permission. I said no, because I'm not doing it. She said that I would get points off and she didn't offer an alternative even though that is part of my special education plan. (Being offered alternative assignments.) I misinterpreted the situation. That is completely on me.
I'm also still upset with her because of the incident that happened on Friday. I told her that my English teacher said the T-slur (the one against transgender people) while going over vocabulary, and that I was uncomfortable attending the class because of that and because of the topics being discussed. We were reading a short story about transphobia that had the T-slur and F-slur in them, which, obviously, made me uncomfortable. My English teacher, Mrs. M, is not transgender or gender non-conforming at all, so she has no right to say the T-slur. She wouldn't have said it if it was the N-word, so why is the T-slur just fine? She would have gotten in a lot of trouble if it was the N-word, but nobody cared about her saying the T-slur.
I told Ms. N about this and my discomfort, and she essentially told me to suck it up and go to class and that it wasn't a big deal. I was extremely upset to the point where I was crying and couldn't eat properly even though I was on my lunch break. She said that I shouldn't automatically go to thinking someone is a terrible person because they said the T-slur while going over vocabulary, but I don't think Mrs. M is a terrible person. I was just very uncomfortable and upset. And, yes, Mrs. M knew it was a slur; she said it herself.
I find it really, really irritating that some bigotry is viewed as "less" than other forms, i.e., racism vs. queerphobia.
I don't care if she didn't intend to use it in an offensive way. Using it at all if you're not gender non-conforming is offensive and wrong.
Ms. N also said that these things aren't black and white, which I agree with. However, I don't think it's crazy that I think that saying the T-slur if you're not gender non-conforming isn't okay. Ms. N is a cisgender woman like Mrs. M. Neither of them have experienced that word being used on them or the feeling of shock and that pit in your stomach you get when you hear it. Neither of them have any right to attest to how offensive or how non-offensive it is, and I find that even more "offensive" than Mrs. M using the slur in the first place.
When I told her that I was upset, Ms. N said, "Sorry, but." "But" shouldn't be a word that comes after "sorry" if you truly do apologize for the genuine hurt you caused someone. I feel hurt by her actions and reaction to me telling her how I felt.
She brushed it off and pretty much said "it's not that deep". It is that deep. It has always been that deep. It will always be that deep. Call me dramatic like she did, but she is actively being queerphobic and bigoted by invalidating my experiences by saying that, in this context, the word doesn't matter. The word will always matter. Words hold power, especially ones like that that have been used to belittle and oppress me and other queer folk for God knows how long.